[Spiritual] Dislocation

[urocyon]

Once again, I was relieved to figure out this evening that I'm most likely coming down with some sort of flu which has been going around Ingvar's work; the past few days' depression and aching make sense and are not really worrisome. (Not that residual pain sponged off Mirrors has helped, but I can cope with that "pitchfork in the hip" sensation better than he can.) The way I tend to catch every respiratory virus that comes down the pike, one would think I'd twig more quickly by now. Ah well.

Which brings me somewhat nicely to the main thing on my mind at the moment. It took reading through another discussion of how/in what cultural context people prefer to approach the land spirits--run across in a rather roundabout way, since I haven't had much time to spend online recently--to figure out a major source of disquiet since I've moved.

I expected moving into such a more urban area to take a bit of adjustment, and it certainly has. Coming from a rather rural part of Virginia, I'm not accustomed to living among the sheer population density here. From what I have seen, people where I'm from prefer more personal space than average--while I, and most of my family, need still more--and live under conditions in which infringements upon that space are nearly always intentional. I'm still having to remind myself that very few people think about infringing here, much less mean anything by it, rather than stiffening up the spine and going into full defense mode on the bus. Nor do I have "Keep clear--One Of Those Damned Touchy McCraws" tattooed on the back of my neck, not that it would mean anything in the social context. ;) This sort of thing, I did slightly expect, and it's proven more troublesome to adjustment than being on a different continent entirely.

The main consideration I'd given the land itself (well, other than the bits I've seen largely being paved over) is that the landscape itself here is strange to me in its flatness, with an underlying sense of its just not feeling "right". The difference in sunlight intensity and patterns was impossible to miss. The only explanation I can offer is that I've been so preoccupied with other things that I haven't set aside the time to make more than the slightest overtures. It seems a strange omission, even to me, and I am surprised that it has taken so long for the reason behind that nagging sense of unease and disconnection to sink in.

Perhaps part of this is because I'm used to its not taking much effort. I spent the better part of 29 years living within a 50-mile radius, on ancestral lands. Though I may not have had the words until later, a lot of time was passed roaming and getting to know the land itself and its various spirits. The feeling of slipping back into a familiar rhythm, of being embraced, was striking when we went back to visit my family this summer. I won't even try to describe approaching and getting in the New River again.

Here, I haven't yet developed a good feel for the River Rom, or even the Thames. I don't know the spirits of this place very well, have mainly tried to be generally respectful thus far. The plants and animals are as different as the landscape, and need a different approach. I don't have a very good feel for the climate yet. It's almost a relief at times that there is nowhere near the number of ancestors and ancestral spirits clamoring for attention, but a tad disorienting. I can't help but feel (irrationally) as if I've abandoned them, sometimes, as the main one who was trying to pay attention at the moment.

A lot of this may come across as homesickness, and part of it is. But there's very little wonder I've felt disoriented, and I'm glad to have figured out a good portion of the reason. Remedying this is going to take a decent bit of work, sooner rather than later, and I must admit to feeling a tad intimidated. I know, broadly, what needs doing, but have never before needed to do such intensive work with the land.

For anyone who has been in a similar situation, moving to a very different place, how did you go about adjusting?

Comments

[arkady.livejournal.com]

There are green spaces here too; one just has to know where to find them. And the city has its own spirits; one just has to attune one's senses to hearing and feeling them.

It's possible, too, to find the quiet still spaces; the places where you can escape for a little while and breathe - even in a busy city such as London, where it never truly sleeps ... and how else could you explain why I might be awake at this hour to read your post and reply to it?

The city has its shamans and spirit-talkers too; we just walk a slightly different path perhaps to the ones you have been accustomed to following. But not all of us were born here. I was born in a country town. I simply adapted.

Walk the streets, breathe the air, follow the rivers - both above and below - and in time you will come to understand them and be at ease. Above all listen, because the city has much to say; even those grey walls of stone that seem so barren and silent.

My mood is dipping; it's not really safe for me to be awake at this hour. But if you need to talk about this, I can generally be found.

[urocyon-c.livejournal.com]

Good points. Patience has never been one of my virtues, I'm afraid, but I know these things take time. Please pardon the frustration dripping from my original post at the seemingly slow pace of adaptation. ;)

It will come. And thank you for your kind words.

leaving the ancestral lands

[caitriona-nnc.livejournal.com]

"I can't help but feel (irrationally) as if I've abandoned them, sometimes, as the main one who was trying to pay attention at the moment."

It may not be irrational. I felt the same way when I moved from the Midwest to the East Coast. The first time I returned for a visit, I felt welcomed back. But then when I was away for a number of years, I felt the spirits were angry at me when I returned. They were happy to see me, but pissed off that I'd been gone so long. I think it's natural that they felt neglected. When I left for the last time, they asked me to find someone else to pay attention to them if I couldn't do it anymore.

Sometimes I wonder if one of the reasons I've needed to move back here (Western Mass) is due to the spirits I used to work with during my brief time here twenty years ago.

Virginia and London are more similar than some moves you could have made. You're not in the desert, for instance, or in Polynesia. Try to remember the way it was as a child, when you had no preconceived notions about what you were going to find as you explored. If you can balance that open-minded curiosity with the experience you have from working with the spirits you do know, I think you'll do fine. Reading up on the folklore of the area will help, too.

Re: leaving the ancestral lands

[urocyon-c.livejournal.com]

It's interesting that you say this. My mother commented that things feel more familiar here than she'd expected. If nothing else, she figured some of our ancestors had wandered down to have a gander at the marshes. ;)

*nod* I've been trying just to keep myself open and see what I run across. Doing some more reading on the folklore is a must. Good advice.

[ivy]

I've done a lot of initial contacts, but very little developing long ongoing relationships. (Being fairly nomadic, I have shied away from initiating long term relationships I knew I wouldn't be able to follow through on.) You might want to start with finding anything familiar or familiarish and approaching it first -- oak trees, for example, should be in both places, and may be less jarring for you than something totally new. (Then again, depending on your personality and mindset, half-familiar may be worse than totally strange. Up to you.) Time out in nature with a book on the local flora might help, too -- I find that once I know the names and behaviours of the trees that they're much more approachable.

[megabitch.livejournal.com]

I think I am coming at this from the opposite direction. I'd never lived in the same place for more than 2 years until I moved to London in 1997, even in Australia I moved every 12 months or so. I've never had roots or a real connection with anywhere in particular. So our move to Somerset is an attempt to do this. The West Country (especially Wiltshire and Somerset) was the part of the UK that felt most like "home". I'd never felt a connection with the land in Australia in all the time I lived there.

Arkady is right. Even when I lived in London I spent some time getting the garden right - growing veg/fruit, getting my hands dirty in the soil (well, clay really :) ) And there was at least one "open green space" within a 15 minute walk.

[urocyon-c.livejournal.com]

I hope you're beginning to feel more settled since the move. Yes, one of the first things I did after moving was get my hands into the dirt; besides feeling some continuity with what I'd been doing at "old-home", and making the house more my own, it has helped give me a better feel for the actual ground here. Just strolling around some greener bits, besides gathering a few blackberries--along with enough elderberries to put up batches of jam and wine--helped, as well.

[dyfferent.livejournal.com]

I thought I was ok until I was cooking dinner one night and a golf tournament came on TV and suddenly I could hear carolina wrens and mockingbirds. I was glued to that tv for a glimpse of loblolly pine inbetween golf shots for half an hour, crying my eyes out.

I came to terms with UK nature two ways: learning about it (there are so many books and programmes) and cleaning it up. There was a nature-walk area near Hazel Avenue and I would put on a pair of kitchen gloves, carry some carrier bags, and pick up all the litter, broken glass, cans, packets that people left inbetween the trees and grass and stream bank. When I came back from these walks my carrier bags and heart were equally full.

[redcountess]

I agree about watching British programmes, especially about history. Unfortunately, I have mobility problems that stop me from getting out and cleaning up the environs, although when I am out and about I always make sure I'll capture plastic bags, plastic can holders, etc, so they can't get into the waterways.

[urocyon-c.livejournal.com]

I'm glad in a way that I'm not the only one who occasionally has that sort of reaction, out of nowhere.

*nod* I've been trying to learn about the flora and fauna--setting up a little bird table gave me an extra push in that particular direction. Then again, I'm the sort who needs to know what the roadside weeds are, anyway. :)

The cleaning up is something I really ought to start doing, and I imagine it would probably help me get to know the place better. I suppose some accumulation of litter is difficult to avoid in such a congested area, but walking down a peaceful, green-lined path strewn with everything from the usual drink bottles and crisp packets to ketchup bottles (?) really burns my hide.

Good suggestion.

[dyfferent.livejournal.com]

If you're around my age, then you know that we should all pick up litter so that the Indian won't cry.

And it's just the right thing to do :)

[urocyon-c.livejournal.com]

*chortle* I had almost forgotten that one--good point. ;)

[reddragdiva]

I'm from Australia. Even growing up and living in cities, you knew vast amounts of open space were there and available. Britain, and London in particular, is very cramped by comparison.

Remember that London really is Ankh-Morpork. The rhythm to get into is that of a city that's ugly and smells bad but is incredibly lively.

(Romford, of course, is the 'burbs ;-)

[redcountess]

England's light and London's proximity to sea level have taken a lot of getting used to for me. Ancestral spirits, though, I'm fine with as at least on my Mother's side, they were British (I was always troubled by Aborigine spirits in Australia, they are very sad) You need to get out into the English countryside, somewhere like the Yorkshire dales which I imagine would be like the Virginian hills.

[urocyon-c.livejournal.com]

Ooh, the light! *cringe* I'd known that my mood swings had a seasonal component, but the difference about 12° N latitude makes is really becoming obvious now. I'm going to have to give a light box a try--hope to order one this week. (Well, not being able to sleep much past early dawn in summer probably didn't help, but my anti-manic meds kept that mainly under control.) I think I'm getting more accustomed to the air closer to sea level; it no longer feels like breathing treacle. ;)

Maybe the ancestral spirit thing for me is that very few of my people were connected to southern Britain, to my knowledge; the ones from the British Isles, way back when, mainly came from much farther north or from Ireland. Out of curiosity, how are the Aboriginal spirits sad? From what has become of their land and people, I would guess. I did once run across some strongly Amerind spirits of place who were initially unfriendly until they recognised me as respectful and "we know this kind of person", more or less. (Clumsily worded, but it's difficult, and I'm tired. *wry smile*)

Actually, I really enjoyed the scenery when Ingvar and I went up to Staffordshire to Alton Towers. It wasn't quite as mountainous as I'm accustomed to, but it was hilly with plenty of trees. I do enjoy looking at the Highlands and more mountainous bits of Ireland--somewhat reminiscent of home, particularly where there are more trees (no doubt one of the reasons it's the Virginia Highlands). Seeing the Yorkshire Dales would be great, too; I've seen some lovely footage.

[ailbhe]

We saw some great scenery on a train from Reading to Glasgow. I recommend it.

And as to adjusting - I couldn't adjust to the size of London at all. Tehre were 3.5m people in Ireland when I left, and almost 10m in London.

So I moved to Reading, which is about the same size as Dublin in general "feel".

I haven't figured out what to do about not being near the sea or cliffs yet though.