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Jun. 23rd, 2009 01:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
urocyonIt honestly did not occur to me before, just how much perfectionism has been holding me back, much less in so many areas of my life. Throw in shedloads of demand sensitivity, along with some demand resistance, and no wonder I've had trouble with feeling paralyzed!
I had figured out that never really learning things like how frequently to run the vacuum cleaner was less than half the problem with the physical mess around here. Maybe, with a better idea of what's going on, I can figure out how to work around it.
Just rephrasing things in terms of what I want has already helped. That requires figuring out what it is that I do want at any given moment--and admitting that I do want things. And, given that I'm no longer dealing with controlling people whom I want to please daily, nobody is likely to dismiss it or even use it as a handle against me. That would not be reasonable behavior, even if someone should try it.
Glad to have identified these particular snakes; now it's time to get combing! It's more than a little scary, realizing that you've made it well into adulthood before letting yourself notice the fact that you spend most of your time trying to figure out what you "ought to" be doing--with very little attention to what you want.
No wonder my Granddaddy spent half of his time sitting in a chair, looking sulky, while unable to meet his own standards. It hadn't occurred to me either that maybe we turned out so similar in a lot of ways (other than my manically buzzing around instead, on the basis that I should be doing something) as much thanks to growing up with emotional abuse as to similar neurological wiring. Talk about a clear case of perfectionism and demand sensitivity/resistance...
I had figured out that never really learning things like how frequently to run the vacuum cleaner was less than half the problem with the physical mess around here. Maybe, with a better idea of what's going on, I can figure out how to work around it.
Just rephrasing things in terms of what I want has already helped. That requires figuring out what it is that I do want at any given moment--and admitting that I do want things. And, given that I'm no longer dealing with controlling people whom I want to please daily, nobody is likely to dismiss it or even use it as a handle against me. That would not be reasonable behavior, even if someone should try it.
Glad to have identified these particular snakes; now it's time to get combing! It's more than a little scary, realizing that you've made it well into adulthood before letting yourself notice the fact that you spend most of your time trying to figure out what you "ought to" be doing--with very little attention to what you want.
No wonder my Granddaddy spent half of his time sitting in a chair, looking sulky, while unable to meet his own standards. It hadn't occurred to me either that maybe we turned out so similar in a lot of ways (other than my manically buzzing around instead, on the basis that I should be doing something) as much thanks to growing up with emotional abuse as to similar neurological wiring. Talk about a clear case of perfectionism and demand sensitivity/resistance...
