You know, I find myself instinctively agreeing with you so strongly about so many things, it almost makes me worry that something is wrong. :)
(Mostly. Another part of me, which is in control most of the time, maintains that that may all be well and good for other people, but I must continue be oppressed and must continue to hate myself or else I'll stop caring about anyone but myself and go on a murderous rampage like the evil rabid wild beast that I really am.
Recently, because of some stuff you've written, I've become aware of the internalized racism in things that I often find myself thinking like "I ought to rid the world of the filth that is me" and "I am, or something within me is, a wild beast that at least needs to be caged if it can't be killed"... this doesn't do anything to stop me from feeling like it's true, though. :/)
Glad you got some good out of it. :) When I post things, I'm not sure that anyone will, but hey.
That other part, playing back all kinds of internalized crap in an all-too-plausible way, sounds familiar. I've been trying to keep in mind that (a) it's anything but helpful, and (b) trying to get it to shut up just makes it more shrill! My similar one hasn't been bothering me as much since I started listening to it and going "Yeah, yeah, yeah" instead of taking it seriously. Don't know if that might work for you.
Another post you might enjoy, at Ballastexistenz: Joy (http://ballastexistenz.autistics.org/?p=617).
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branchandroot
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Date: 2010-04-06 07:40 pm (UTC)(Mostly. Another part of me, which is in control most of the time, maintains that that may all be well and good for other people, but I must continue be oppressed and must continue to hate myself or else I'll stop caring about anyone but myself and go on a murderous rampage like the evil rabid wild beast that I really am.
Recently, because of some stuff you've written, I've become aware of the internalized racism in things that I often find myself thinking like "I ought to rid the world of the filth that is me" and "I am, or something within me is, a wild beast that at least needs to be caged if it can't be killed"... this doesn't do anything to stop me from feeling like it's true, though. :/)
no subject
Date: 2010-04-08 11:38 am (UTC)That other part, playing back all kinds of internalized crap in an all-too-plausible way, sounds familiar. I've been trying to keep in mind that (a) it's anything but helpful, and (b) trying to get it to shut up just makes it more shrill! My similar one hasn't been bothering me as much since I started listening to it and going "Yeah, yeah, yeah" instead of taking it seriously. Don't know if that might work for you.
Another post you might enjoy, at Ballastexistenz: Joy (http://ballastexistenz.autistics.org/?p=617).