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May. 10th, 2003 06:14 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
urocyonSomeone needs to treat my chair here with human repellant. Not sure if that would work any better than the spray that's supposed to deter cats from tearing up the furniture, though.
The last couple of days, I've been worried in a particularly self-centered way (or so it seems). I'd refrained from posting, for lack of much to say, but decided to go ahead and be dull. Yes, this is a warning. :)
I'd actually been dealing pretty well with the low-grade money concerns, particularly regarding my planned trip--either I'd have enough, or I wouldn't, with reasonable action, and trying to drive myself mad wouldn't do anything to help. Then my car had to go into the shop, as they will do. It's just basically a case of RSI involving a driver's side door hinge, but the door's apparently trying to detach itself falls well outside the realm of quirks tolerable in an older car. My dad passed along the estimate Thursday (after determining that there was no way he could fix it--I have to give him points for trying with stuff like that), and I was Not Amused. What had looked barely workable suddenly looked far less so. And I know I don't handle disappointment well initially.
This was aggravated by my dread of telling the person I'm supposed to visit that there's a good possibility I won't be able to do so, due to lack of funds. Ouch. Every indication is that he's been looking forward to it as much as I have, and I was reluctant to disappoint, besides the explanation possibly sounding creepy. I also had to cringe Thursday because, while I was thinking of broaching this, not only do I find out that he'd already arranged transportation for me from London to CCDE, I get a /query from the woman who'll be driving. All the better to feel like I'm putting people out for nothing, or, being overly harsh to myself, under false pretenses.
That turned out OK, though. With some reassurance from a friend (thanks again!), I went ahead and sent an e-mail Thursday night, explaining the situation. Doing this sooner rather than later seemed best, though I even tried to tell myself to postpone it until he got back from the trip he's leaving on this morning. :) (Trying to rationalise that sort of outright cowardice doesn't sit well!) I somehow managed to give myself an upset stomach and chest pains, checking my mail this/yesterday afternoon--a bit ridiculous. I don't know what my overly anxious little subconscious was expecting, but he seemed to take the news well--or, should I say, responded well to it.
I talked to him a little later on IRC, and he reiterated the offer that I needn't worry about anything beyond the airfare. Also, rather superfluously (but considerately), reiterated the absolutely strings-free nature of all offers--which, even operating most of the time in Suspicious Bastard mode, I do tend to believe. I'm still slightly uncomfortable with the idea, not wishing to be (nor feel like) a leech. Part of this could be the occasionally excessive dignity problem. At least he didn't seem to interpret my motives less than kindly (I actually worried about this a bit, but I think I've demonstrated that I can worry about almost anything). My brain was slightly bruised when, prompted by my concerns about leech-like behavior, he replied, "I know. That's why I didn't offer to pay for the flight. :)"
Granted, my brain was easy prey at that point, but I do like a man who can use his one-liners. *g*
Overall, I'm feeling better. Assuming I accept the offer, the travel situation would seem to be back to just-about-workable. I have been a bit surprised, not so much at the intensity of my reactions as such, the past few days, but at the intensity of emotion on which they seem to be based. I don't know why this should surprise (generally hyperreactive) me by now, but these things do seem to have a way of sneaking up on a person.
The last couple of days, I've been worried in a particularly self-centered way (or so it seems). I'd refrained from posting, for lack of much to say, but decided to go ahead and be dull. Yes, this is a warning. :)
I'd actually been dealing pretty well with the low-grade money concerns, particularly regarding my planned trip--either I'd have enough, or I wouldn't, with reasonable action, and trying to drive myself mad wouldn't do anything to help. Then my car had to go into the shop, as they will do. It's just basically a case of RSI involving a driver's side door hinge, but the door's apparently trying to detach itself falls well outside the realm of quirks tolerable in an older car. My dad passed along the estimate Thursday (after determining that there was no way he could fix it--I have to give him points for trying with stuff like that), and I was Not Amused. What had looked barely workable suddenly looked far less so. And I know I don't handle disappointment well initially.
This was aggravated by my dread of telling the person I'm supposed to visit that there's a good possibility I won't be able to do so, due to lack of funds. Ouch. Every indication is that he's been looking forward to it as much as I have, and I was reluctant to disappoint, besides the explanation possibly sounding creepy. I also had to cringe Thursday because, while I was thinking of broaching this, not only do I find out that he'd already arranged transportation for me from London to CCDE, I get a /query from the woman who'll be driving. All the better to feel like I'm putting people out for nothing, or, being overly harsh to myself, under false pretenses.
That turned out OK, though. With some reassurance from a friend (thanks again!), I went ahead and sent an e-mail Thursday night, explaining the situation. Doing this sooner rather than later seemed best, though I even tried to tell myself to postpone it until he got back from the trip he's leaving on this morning. :) (Trying to rationalise that sort of outright cowardice doesn't sit well!) I somehow managed to give myself an upset stomach and chest pains, checking my mail this/yesterday afternoon--a bit ridiculous. I don't know what my overly anxious little subconscious was expecting, but he seemed to take the news well--or, should I say, responded well to it.
I talked to him a little later on IRC, and he reiterated the offer that I needn't worry about anything beyond the airfare. Also, rather superfluously (but considerately), reiterated the absolutely strings-free nature of all offers--which, even operating most of the time in Suspicious Bastard mode, I do tend to believe. I'm still slightly uncomfortable with the idea, not wishing to be (nor feel like) a leech. Part of this could be the occasionally excessive dignity problem. At least he didn't seem to interpret my motives less than kindly (I actually worried about this a bit, but I think I've demonstrated that I can worry about almost anything). My brain was slightly bruised when, prompted by my concerns about leech-like behavior, he replied, "I know. That's why I didn't offer to pay for the flight. :)"
Granted, my brain was easy prey at that point, but I do like a man who can use his one-liners. *g*
Overall, I'm feeling better. Assuming I accept the offer, the travel situation would seem to be back to just-about-workable. I have been a bit surprised, not so much at the intensity of my reactions as such, the past few days, but at the intensity of emotion on which they seem to be based. I don't know why this should surprise (generally hyperreactive) me by now, but these things do seem to have a way of sneaking up on a person.
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no subject
Date: 2003-05-12 12:46 pm (UTC)havent seen u online in a day or so, bu tmayb thats coz ur not as addicted as i am
have fun
no subject
Date: 2003-05-14 04:49 am (UTC)Take care!