Sep. 7th, 2004

urocyon: (water)
Things have calmed down a bit, at least temporarily.

As [livejournal.com profile] vatine mentioned, we both have clothes (well, except hose for me, but they're easy enough to pick up), and the actual wedding and reception venues are sorted. There will be food and drink. I cannot guarantee the quality of at least one of the cakes, since I'm ending up making it myself, but there will be something of a sweet baked nature. There has been a long series of foul-ups with the jewelry I ordered from two different places, but I can always pick up something within the next couple of days. CDs are going to be burned after more music arrives. [livejournal.com profile] clanwilliam came in to meet me here a couple of days ago, and we got her outfit sorted, besides taking care of last-minute details. The important things have happened, or are going to happen (so she tells herself). *g*

My parents are supposed to arrive at Heathrow tomorrow morning--Tim was kind, and that is my wedding, Christmas, birthday, etc. present for the next year ;)--so at the moment I'm taking a break from trying to clean up the place to some minimal standard. The other couple of guests who were going to need crashspace aren't going to be able to make it, though I can't help but be a bit relieved at the difference in required last-minute cleaning levels. Part of the flurry is working off nervous energy, anyway. The kitchen and bathroom--the really important bits--were already passably hygienic, and it's not as if my parents aren't accustomed to a little clutter. :) I'll just be glad to see them, for a couple of weeks even. Yay!

Sorry I haven't replied to comments yet on my last entry--I really appreciated the encouragement, but have been busy driving myself beyond half-crazy. A meta-response seemed to make more sense, anyway.

Thanks, in particular, for the repeated assurances that the little things don't matter in the end, and that anyone who things they do can go hang. I've been trying to keep this in mind--though it's been perfectionism nagging me, rather than anyone else--but making it sink in can prove difficult at times.

Oddly enough, I recognise that the situation is not magically changing Friday, beyond getting a piece of paper to satisfy La Migra--but I'm still uneasy. (Good summary of the sameness, [livejournal.com profile] clanwilliam.) The very idea of being legally tied in that manner makes me feel trapped. Quite a while ago, I figured out that this longstanding aversion is very likely related to seeing my parents' marriage deteriorate so quickly and spectacularly, before I started school. It is irrational to think that that sort of ugliness can be avoided merely by avoiding marrying anyone--or that it could be one bit easier to get completely away from the other person just because of a lack of legal ties, should said person be sufficiently ill and/or determined to make you and any shared children miserable. I do recognise that this situation should rarely arise, in any case, but such is baggage. ;)

Sorry if that turned into a bit of a downer, but I did think some explanation was in order, if only to get things off my chest. At least I do recognise that this sort of motivation for feeling trapped is silly, and am dealing with it the best I can.

Funny, the last couple of days, perhaps the best piece of advice I've gotten was from my mother: "For God's sake, take your Xanax--you need it! If that idiot doctor does mess around with your medicine, surely you can find someone with enough sense to prescribe more." Both sensible and timely. *g*

Thanks again for the encouragement.

September 2011

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