Jun. 15th, 2004

urocyon: Grey fox crossing a stream (Default)
I'm really feeling at loose ends today, waiting for further news when there's nothing more I can do anyway.

My mom was glad she had a regular visit with her GP coming up, as she'd just had an extremely large breast cyst pop up very recently. This wasn't a matter for concern--it had happened enough times before--just pain and annoyance. To make a long story short, Dr. Y. went to drain it, nothing but blood came, he freaked, and she was sent down the hall to a surgeon's office immediately.

This surgeon, Dr. W., examined it and did a biopsy then and there. He came out and said--in a not overly brusque manner, thank goodness--that it did look cancerous to him. The results should have been back yesterday; with any luck she'll find out something today. He thought it seemed encapsulated, at least.

All this happened last Thursday. I found out Friday, and have been in sorry shape but trying to hold things together--as I will do--since. I hesitated to mention it until I found out more, at any rate, not to sound like I'm whining--but we all need to whine at times, I suppose. *wry smile*

This upcoming visit back, near the end of the month, seems even more important now. Absolutely illogically, I feel bad for not being there in the flesh right now (though I've been a nervous wreck after every time we've talked on the phone since the revelation, and don't know how much real support I could provide). She's been taking things better than I have, to the point that she's commented that half the family is concerned that she's gone manic or something on top of it. *shakes head* When she called back explicitly to reassure me the other day, I felt terrible--partly because I thought I'd been keeping up a better face than that. Who should be able to read me better by now, though? *wry smile*

I recognise that my reactions aren't terribly rooted in reason, but are common things family members have to work through in such situations. That doesn't make it much easier to derail my thoughts of doom and guilt, however. ;) Trying to keep myself distracted is at least half the reason I've been overdoing things so much the past few days, but it does seem to help up to a point.

Not sure where else to go with this--even if there's much else to be said at the moment--so I'll be quiet(er) now. Thanks for slogging through.

Edit: How's that for timing? Right before I finished that, Mom called and let me know that the biopsy results were back. The fluid and cells from what seemed to have been a cyst, after all, were fine (it has also gone down with an antibiotic, which I forgot to mention). The actual mass was abnormal, but the profile did not fit any specific type of cancerous cells (yet); apparently it was caught very early. Very fortuitous timing for a painful infection to form. The doctor did say that this will occasionally happen in very early stages, from people's immune systems trying hard to fight the abnormal growth, and gives early warning. I am super-extremely relieved.

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